Don't let anybody mess with your swing

I'm struggling. I'm feeling weak. I'm feeling like I've run a marathon only to realise I've hardly made any ground at all and have fallen into a muddy ditch, Everyone around me is trampling on, knowing where they're going and are focussed and determined. I'm sat in the ditch covered in mud, exhausted, sweaty and wearing my school gym kit. I'm one of those overweight, well meaning fun runners who has raised £50 for their local cancer charity, surrounded by dedicated 'athletes' who've been training for years. They've got those water bottles designed to be held in the hand, they've got designer trainers, they've got apps on their iPhones that tell them just how fast they're running. They're the kind of people that run during their lunch break and can run with others in a group as they don't completely ruin themselves just trying to keep moving.


I'm sat in this ditch feeling hopeless, scared and wondering if I'll ever be able to get up and catch these runners. Why are they so athletic and dedicated? Why does everything look so easy for them? Why can't I be like them and everything be so easy? Or so it seems to me.


Ok, so why can't I be like them? First reason, I'm nothing like these people. Every single thing about me is different to that woman there ahead of me.Well, not every single thing - aside from the fact we're both female and are in the same race, we are completely different.


Ok, so why am I comparing myself to these people? Why do I think they're better than me and that I'm a bad person for not 'keeping up'? Because 'being ahead' of these people is what I use to measure my success? My success criteria is based on external factors and this is so wrong.


Ok, so now what? I've decided that even if I wanted to, I can't be like anyone else. I can't be the gym bunny who goes running on their dinner break and 'does sport' as a hobby. I should stop trying to be like someone else. I should also stop comparing myself to other people, using external sources to judge myself is not acceptable.


I am happy in my skin most of the time, I am. I'm happy doing my own thing and just plodding on making sure that I'm doing what I want to do. There's a poem I read once and it quotes a famous baseball player called Ted Williams and one of his lines is appropriate right about now. "Don't let anybody mess with your swing". I really like that line. Don't let anybody mess with your swing. Nobody should ruin the way that you do things. Don't get distracted by external factors. Don't mess up your way of doing things because other people are distracting you. Just keep going with your own tried and tested method and don't let anything change it.


That's not to say that awareness isn't important. Being aware of what is going on around you is so important. BUT, don't let it affect you negatively. Don't let it mess with your swing. It's like having mesh blinkers on. You can see what's going on around you but it doesn't affect you, it doesn't frighten you. Yes, mesh blinkers, that's it. I'm going to think about mesh blinkers every time I get frightened about the big world around me.


OK, so I'm aware of the situation. I know what I should do. I should just keep on swinging. But how do I keep on going? Where do I get the energy from? How do I keep on going when I can't see the finish line, when I'm in that big ditch?


I'm still working that one out - it's for another blog.